The Musings of Scott

Inspired by a friend’s discomfort with the state of society and Facebook, I decided to write him a brief field guide to help him traverse the intimidating jungle that is the online community. This was written back 9/1/09 and has been reprinted with minor edits.

Narcissist

This one is obvious, and we’re all guilty of it at times. Reality TV without those annoying commercial breaks… because the only thing better than hearing yourself talk is reading it. Over and over. From sports stars to professional gurus of all flavors, you’ll be able to tolerate their posts for about 2 weeks before a mixture of nausea and rage sets in.

Confused Grandparent

You lost the Webcam I gave you for Christmas?

The only thing worse off than Medicare is family values. Let’s face it, how else are you going to hear from your family anymore these days.

Peeping Tom

Never seem to interact with the community at all but keep adding people… because hiding in the bushes with a night-vision zoom lens is soooo 20th century. Besides, we all know Facebook has much less spyware in it than porn sites. The recent privacy control changes no doubt infuriate them.

Was Prescribed Ritalin in the early 90′s

Image Credit: http://encefalus.com

Think cockerspaniel on cocaine. Giving high fructose corn syrup fueled children pharmacologically tweaked coke in pill form: 100% American ingenuity. Who cares if it was highly addictive and caused an explosion in the rates of psychotic mental disorders? A section of the population that was burned out by 12 and has the attention span of a gnat now… Hello Mafia Wars, Cafe World, Farmville, or anything shiny!

People that wish they were in a Film Noir

It was a Cold Dark Night, and I was headed to Walgreens for Preparation H

If no one is going to narrate your life, you might as well do it yourself.

Loners

Great book definately check it out!

The Anti-social, not the socially shunned. Think Lone Wolf not Norman Bates. I know what your thinking, isn’t that a contradiction? Nope. Hiding in plain sight, leaving updates in nice interaction-less newsbites. No need for phone calls, or guilt for pretending not to see you in public settings. This also fits for the socially lazy. Don’t worry, all the psychos are way too busy fishing on Craigslist to pay attention to your profile.

Show & Tellers

Why leave show and tell behind you at grade school? The internet is a huge sandbox and it has plenty of fun and shiny objects to share with the class. Some are creative, and can be the most enjoyable to follow, while others just regurgitate every buzz word they see.

Quizes Complete My Life

For those that preferred Mad Libs to Show & Tell. Would love to know which fictional character they most resemble vis a highly scientific battery of 15 multiple choice questions.

Marketers, Promoters, SM Advertisers, etc.

Any combination of the above categories that decided that a career focus would be preferred to addiction counseling.

Did I miss any? Let me know!

Popularity: 15% [?]